The reformation of our lives

I. Every one desires to die the death of the Saints; but it is scarcely possible for the Christian to make a holy end who has led a disorderly life until the time of his death, and to die united to God, after having always lived at a distance from Him. The Saints in order to secure a happy death, renounced all the riches, the delights, and all the prospects this world held out to them, and embraced poor and mortified lives. They buried themselves alive in this world to avoid, when dead, being buried for ever in hell. O God, for how many years past have I deserved to be buried in that place of torments, without hope of pardon or of being able to love Thee. But Thou hast waited in order to pardon me. Truly, then, I am sorry, from the bottom of my heart, for having offended Thee, my Sovereign Good. Have pity on me and do not permit me to offend Thee any more.

God forewarns sinners that they will seek Him in death and will not find Him: You shall seek and shall not find me (Jo. vii. 34). They will not find Him because they will not then seek Him through love, but only through the fear of hell. They will seek God without renouncing their affection for sin; and hence they shall not find Him. No, my God, I will not wait to seek Thee in death, but will seek and desire Thee from this moment. I am sorry for having hitherto given Thee so much displeasure by seeking to gratify my own inclinations. I am sorry for it. I confess that I have done evil. But Thou willest not that the heart which seeks Thee should despair but rejoice. Let the heart of them rejoice that seek the Lord (Ps. civ. 3). Yes, O Lord, I seek Thee and I love Thee more than myself.

II. How miserable is the Christian who, before he comes to die, has not spent a good part of his life in bewailing his sins! It is not to be denied that such a man may be converted at his death and obtain salvation; but the mind obscured, the heart hardened, the bad habits formed, the passions predominant, render it morally impossible for him to die happily. An extraordinary grace will be necessary for him; but does God reserve such a grace to bestow it upon one who has continued ungrateful to Him even until the moment of death? O God, to what straits are sinners reduced to escape eternal destruction! No, my God, I will not wait until death to repent of my sins and to love Thee. I am sorry now for having offended Thee, and I love Thee now with my whole heart. Suffer me not any more to turn my back upon Thee. Rather let me die. O holy Mary, obtain for me perseverance in virtue.