Presence of God

O Lord, increase my confidence in Your help and grant that in this confidence, I may always find courage to begin again.

Meditation

I. What most distresses souls of good will who are seriously trying to live a spiritual life, is to find themselves falling so many times, despite their continual and sincere resolutions. When they begin a program of asceticism, they are usually very brave and have no doubts concerning their success; but being still inexperienced, and not having yet faced the demands of more advanced virtue, they know nothing of the struggles that await them on this way. And herein lies the danger : meeting with new difficulties, they fall; they rise and fall again; again they rise, and shortly after, find themselves prostrate once more until they are, at a certain point, attacked by that most dangerous temptation : to give up the undertaking which henceforth seems impossible. How many souls have fervently begun the ascent ofthe mount of perfection, but discouraged by their continual falls, have stopped halfway up or even turned back, because they lacked the courage to begin anew every day and every moment.

Humility is needed for the exercise ofcourage; we must be convinced that in spite of our lofty aspirations, we are fallible men like all the rest. Sacred Scripture affirms that the "just man shall fall seven times and shall rise again" (Pv. 24, 16); how, then, can we, who are not just, pretend never to fall?

The real evil is not so much in falling as in failing to rise. The distinguishing mark of fervent souls, and even ofsaints, is less their lack of faults, than their promptness in rising after each fall. The annoyance felt by so many souls when they see themselves continually falling, is not the fruit of humility but of pride. They are not yet convinced oftheir own misery and are astonished to experience it so constantly. They rely too much on themselves, and God, who wishes to lead them to the full realization of their nothingness, permits them to fall again and again. In the plan of divine Providence these falls are for the definite purpose of convincing us that we are miserable creatures. If we wish to adhere to the divine plan, we have but one thing to do : to humble ourselves. But if, on the contrary, we become discouraged, and give up what we have begun, we shall be going farther away from our goal, to our very great loss.

II. Some souls justify their discouragement saying that they cannot bear to offend God. That is well, for the first condition required for sanctity is a hatred for sin and a firm determination to avoid even the slightest sin, at the cost of any sacrifice. However, we must make a distinction : if we cultivate the sincere disposition not to tolerate in ourselves the slightest offense against God, it signifies our intention to make no truce with the faults and failings which, in spite of our good will, escape us. However, if we do fall, notwithstanding all our efforts, this disposition does not authorize us to become so discouraged that we are unable to rise. It isjust because we do not wish to tolerate in ourselves anything displeasing to God that we should never surrender in the struggle, but begin again vigorously, in order to avoid future falls. On this field, he who surrenders is already conquered. In fact, if even when we are fighting without respite, we are liable to fall, what will happen if we surrender our arms? It will always be better to fight maimed and wounded, than not to fight at all.

But to have the courage to persevere in the struggle, especially when we fall repeatedly—either as a result of our imperfection and frailty, or because God permits it in order to humble us more—we must join to humility an immense confidence in the divine help. Having experienced our own misery we know that we cannot rise relying on our own strength, but there still remains to us a much more powerful resource : trust in the help ofGod. We shall find the strength to keep beginning again, precisely in trust. God alone can give us this strength, and He will give it in the measure of our confidence : the more trust we have in Him, the stronger we shall be. The more convinced we are that God is calling us to sanctity, and that our personal resources are insufficient for attaining it, so much the more should we be convinced that God will furnish us with the help needed to answer His call. There is nothing illogical in God : if He asks something from us, He cannot refuse us the help needed to give it to Him. Not finding this strength in ourselves, we shall surely find it in Him, in His omnipotent help.

"He that shall persevere unto the end, he shall be saved" (Mt. 10, 22), said Jesus. He who will persevere unto the end is not he who will never fall, but he who after every fall will humble himself and rise again, relying on the infinite strength of God.

Colloquy

"O Jesus, You see I am a very little soul and can offer You only very little things : I frequently miss the opportunity ofwelcoming these small sacrifices which bring so much peace; but I am not discouraged—I bear the loss of a little peace and I try to be more watchful in the future. You are so good to me that it is impossible for me to fear You.

"If it is Your will that throughout my whole life I should feel a repugnance to suffering and humiliation; if You permit all the flowers of my desires and good will to fall to the ground without producing any fruit, I shall not be disturbed. I am sure that if I persevere in my good efforts, in the twinkling of an eye, at the moment of death, You will cause rich fruits to ripen on the tree of my soul" (cf. T.C.J. St, 11 - C).

"O God, I am very weak in ability, poor in strength, and full of poverty, but if Your eye will look upon me, I shall be lifted up from my low estate, my head shall be exalted, and many will glorify You.

"Grant that I may be steadfast in Your covenant, and be conversant therein, and grow old in the work of Your commandments. I will trust in You and persevere in what I am doing, for it is easy for You to suddenly make the poor man rich. Your blessing will be my reward, and in a swift hour my efforts will bear fruit" (cf. Sir 11,12-24).